Randi is my second face to face interview. When she greeted me in the driveway she had this beaming, full of life smile that I’ll never forget. Her home was warm and love filled. I recorded the interview on my phone and when I listened to it afterwards to type this up, all I could hear were her sweet children in the background. It was hilarious and adorable. So wonderful.
These are the questions I asked her.
Tell us a little bit about you …
My name is Randi, I’m 28. I’ve been married for nine years, I got married when I was 19. My husband owns his own business. We have three beautiful children. Jonas, he’s six, Myra, she’s two and Haven, who’s 8 months and goes by Havey Mae 90% of the time. I’m a stay at home mom. I worked in dental for like seven years, up until I decided to stay home.
Do you ever feel lonely? What helps you with loneliness?
I always feel the loneliest in the evenings if my husband is working late. If I have to do dinner and bed by myself it just like really sinks in that I’m alone doing it and then I always think of all the amazing single moms out there that do it all the time. I think what gets me through it is just knowing that all of those little things that I’m doing like reading books, tucking them into bed and giving baths is all gonna end one day. One day they are going to be putting themselves to bed, so I just really try to enjoy it.
What is something you fear you’ll be judged for by other moms?
So I think that just like how other moms fear they’re going to be judged for co-sleeping, I fear that I’m going to be judged for the space that I require. I don’t enjoy children being in my bed at all. I just never have. I don’t sleep well. When they’re newborns they sleep in my room, but I’m really quick to get them into their own rooms because I really enjoy my own space. And it’s funny because I’ve heard people say, “I co-sleep, please don’t judge me.” and I’m like, “I tried it and don’t enjoy it, so please don’t judge me.”
What is something that helps you feel most connected to your kids?
When we all go outside together. I love being outside, all of us. I feel like there’s no TV, there’s no phone, just hanging out in nature. That and one on one time with them. I just really cherish the rare times I get to spend one on one time with them. If the girls are sleeping and I get to read a book to just Jonas, I love that because I can just be with him. It can feel like such a juggle and one on one helps you learn things about them, too.
How do you deal with comparison?
I feel like comparison is such a huge struggle with moms and I don’t feel like it’s discussed that much. I struggled with comparison even as a teenager before I was a mom, so to become a mom my comparison just shifted to a different topic. When I feel like I’m getting caught up in comparing my life or how I look or how I parent compared to someone else, I remind myself that my kids don’t want that stranger I’m peaking over the fence at, they want and love their mom! My husband loves me because I’m simply me. I think it’s great to appreciate people’s differences and even learn and grow from each other, I just never want to try to be someone else for my kids or husband.
What helps you when you are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated?
I’ve learned to try to catch it as fast as I can. I typically will turn off the TV because sometimes the TV noise will wear on me. I always say a quick prayer, turn 50’s music on Alexa because it’s always comforted me and we dance. We have dance parties all the time. 50’s music reminds me of my Grandma and I just love it. When we were kids we listened to it all the time and she was just an upbeat kind of person and I’m like if I can just try to channel a little bit of her energy, I can be more like her.
What is something you have dealt with as a mother that is rarely discussed?
I can slip into this really negative inner dialogue with myself. It’s like I don’t vocalize how I’m feeling, but if I’m frustrated or having a rough time, I can slip into this negative mode. I think like, “life sucks, why did I have kids, etc..” I struggle with managing my thoughts and not running with such negativity. What I’ve learned that works best is if I can just catch it and allow myself to feel that way for a second. I read this quote on pinterest a long time ago that I loved. “it’s not a bad life, it’s just a bad five minutes.” That really stuck with me. If I give myself permission to be irritated and then I’m like, okay, let’s take care of this and in like ten minutes everyone will be chill again.
How do you maintain a loving relationship with your partner in the thick of parenthood?
We always say we make such a great team. There are days we spend the whole day together with the kids and then at like 7:00 PM we’re like, okay, let’s tag team this and get on with our night. I think it’s so important to be a team in that because then it feels like you’re both working for this end result. We still matter, let’s have our time. With the weather lately we’ve been having bonfires outside after the kids go to bed. It’s so nice.
What helped you cope and heal from postpartum anxiety?
I never experienced anxiety in my life until after I had my third child. I had this new appreciation for anyone who has ever struggled with it. My mom is a therapist. She taught me some really simple practices to pull me out of thinking about the future and worrying about things that do not exist. The exercise I used the most is called the five finger exercise. So if you are focused on what ifs, it helps pull you back into the present. You think of five things that you can see, four things you can hear, three things that you can feel, two that you can smell and one thing that you can taste. It sounds so simple, but it really did work for me. It pulled me out of running with these crazy thoughts. Also for me knowing it was hormonal kept perspective in sight.
When do you feel most beautiful?
At night after I take a shower and get into bed. I just feel really clean and fresh and raw and I just feel pretty. I put on my moisturizer and eye lash serum and I feel pretty. The day was washed down the drain and here I am. Even slipping into my husband’s t-shirt- I feel so good.
Favorite song? Deliverance by Strahan
Favorite sweet? I love pie, any type of pie.
Guilty pleasure? Late night snacks in bed. We do that a lot.
If you could travel anywhere? Out west. We’ve talked so much about renting an RV and visiting national parks.
What do you drink most during the day? Water and coffee.
Favorite time of year? Fall
Favorite color? Yellow
Thank you, Randi, for opening your home to me and for sharing with all of us. Thank you so much. ❤️